My how things change . . .

So I'm still not sure what we're doing for vacation. I was approached yesterday with an offer to do something that I would LOVE to do, but have no idea if it's feasible or even necessary at this time. It would directly impact our vacation plans however. So, for now I'm glad I haven't ordered tickets to anywhere. I just wish I knew whether this other offer was going to come to pass. I am a "don't get excited" about it type of person because of all the disappointments I seem to run across. What's funny is that this opportunity is in direct correlation to a prayer I uttered last week - a prayer kind of in haste and without much substance behind it.

I've been struggling with God for a while now - if you haven't noticed in my writings. (Whoever "you" is that might be reading this.) I slowly see myself coming out of my doubts and fears and back into a place of comfort and peace. So my prayers have been sporadic and hasty and stuttered. So it seems odd for God to answer that stuttering so quickly when I'm still in the middle of doubts.

I've decided to change my attitude about my job - I've been having a bad attitude and it has been coming across in everything I do. So I'm working on "changing my reactions" to things and having a good attitude and going at my job with my whole heart and trying to enjoy it. A big change from a few weeks ago when I was ready to go into the pastor's office and quit right then and there.

The women's retreat while not giving me a clear answer, has seemed to at least get rid of some of the muck and grime. I read a verse today- Isaiah 26:3 - He will keep in perfect peace those whose mind is steadfast, and trusts in Him- - - or something like that. That's my paraphrase. But the word "keep" was translated as "watch over" and the "steadfast mind" part could be translated as a purpose or goal. So I'm picturing Him peacefully watching over me as I carry out His purpose and goal. Because every time I decide to be unhappy with where he put me and start looking for things I want to do - I just get more unhappy. I'm going to allow Him to do what He wants - oh, whom I kidding, I'm going to TRY and allow that because I have been struggling for so long that I'm still not sure how to "let go and let God" as they say. I'm getting there.

How was that for a mindless ramblings post?

68 days until my birthday. 51 days until my kids are out of school for the summer. Who knows how many days until vacation - won't know that until this other oppurtunity is fleshed out.