Horrible Job

That would be me - doing a horrible job. I am struggling so much with my job right now. Spiritually I just can't seem to get in the right place to do this job properly. I'm really struggling with what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. I feel like everyone is mad at me or frustrated with me but nobody is saying so.

I'm doing a horrible job as the AWANA commander. I wish I would have just said "we're not doing it this year." Nobody is happy. Even the kids don't seem happy to be there. What's the point?

I don't feel comfortable in Sunday School. I feel ok during the worship hour but I've barely been able to be in there. I'm tired. I don't know if I'm cut out for this right now. It's only been a year. I've even thought of quitting. Which just makes me so sad. I had such high hopes and dreams for the department and I feel like none of them are coming close to being fulfilled. If I felt like I could get in a spiritual place I might actually be able to pray about what to do.

In 12 days I'm leaving to visit my sister. I'm hoping some time away will give me a new perspective. It's not fair to all of those kids, parents, or volunteers to be stuck with me right now. I feel horrible that I'm failing but I don't know how to make it better.

More than a month already?

It's already been more than a month and I haven't posted anything! And so much exciting stuff has gone on!

First of all - vacation - wow, what fun. Other than the 10 year old pre-teen attitude, we had a good time. Yosemite was BEAUTIFUL. We got lots of hiking in. We hiked, watched discovery channel, ate, hiked, watched discovery channel, ate - you get the picture.

Next - dd's b-day. She's 6 now. Seems like just yesterday she was born. She had a good b-day- went to 1st grade for her b-day. I got to take popsicles to the class, it was a good day.

And then - school is back in session. Woooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooo!! I'm really enjoying it. I have two days to myself each week - that's a nice change to feeling like I never have time to myself. My goal for the year is to organize our home and get it in a "able to clean quickly state" - right now, there's just too much stuff to be able to do anything quickly!! Every drawer, closet, cupboard, etc needs cleaned out and stuff to be thrown away. It's going a lot slower than I thought it would and next week I have a hair appt on house day. :-( I'm going to have to try and fit some stuff in tomorrow on what is suppose to be my fun day. Oh well. It'll be worth it to have everything some what organized and to get rid of the PILES of stuff that are sitting around my house!

And last but not least - I'm going to Japan. YEA!! I'm excited to see my sister, excited to see Japan, and excited to get a break from the constant bickering that invades my life. Maybe I'll get a new perspective on it while I'm gone, or figure out a way to deal with it, or better yet figure out a way to make them stop. Actually, I don't even care if they don't stop completely, I just would prefer it to be once in a while, rather than every day all the time they are in proximity to one another.

25 days until I leave for Japan!